Today’s ‘Yoots’ Style a la ‘My Cousin Vinnie’, Stolen Oldies, Soiled Undies, or Foot Patrol Gift’Rapper’ the Gifts that Keeps on Giving, and Giving, or Soiling and Slowing

Once again Old Jules has inspired me!

This time it is with his post about wearing hats backwards and sideways.  Go read it first in the wrinkled flesh at’t-wear-sideways-or-backwards/

Then come on back here, ya Hear Me!

Some thing you might want to take a gander at (which brings up a whole other passel
wondering, why not take a goose, probably cause the gander isn't producing eggs, 
so they get eaten first, would be my guess) would be those self same baseball hats.  How many of them still have the stickers on them, the price tags, etc.  Now why would they be leaving them there you might ask oneself?
Is it because they want you to know how much they spent on it?

Anthony Lucero keeps the round sales sticker, which displays the cap's brand, size and style, on the brim of his New Era baseball cap. Photo by Laura Morton, special to the Chronicle

(Anthony Lucero keeps the round sales sticker, which displays the cap’s brand, size and style, on the brim of his New Era baseball cap. Photo by Laura Morton, special to the Chronicle
Credit: Laura Morton) photo taken from
Back in 2007 Chris Cadelago, Chronicle Staff Writer, noted that removal of the sticker
"left behind an unsightly residue."
So maybe they just don't know how to clean off the residue?
Or is it to show they stole it and the tags were not removed at the register?
Or are they just too stupid to remove them?
Or are they just leaving them on as a Tribute to Minnie Pearl, 
whom most of them are to wet behind the ears to have seen or know of? 
"Now, we're not ones to go 'round spreadin' rumors,
Why, really we're just not the gossipy kind,
No, you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip,S
o you'd better be sure and listen close the first time!"

Watch their faces scrunch up when you inform them that a little old white lady is
 the source of their cultural statement, that she was the originator of the 
dangling price tag on her hats!  I love to point and yell "Howdeeee!!" Or call out, 
"I saw your Mama on Hee Haw! And she was wearing a hat just like yours!" 
Or break out in a good old verse of 
"Gloom, despair and agony on me-e!
Deep dark depression, excessive misery-y!
If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all!
Gloom, despair and agony on me-e-e!"
"Where, oh where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over, and I thought I'd found true love,
You met another, and PFFT! You was gone!"
Now what self disrespecting Gansta Rapper wouldn't like to be accused of being a secret 
Country Song Hickster!

Now ask your self why they leave the stickers on their sunglasses?  
Is a status symbol really worth the risk to life and limb that not being able to see?

Ever ask a member of Law Enforcement what they like about todays styles?
Sagger, or Sagging style

Now these are not your standard "Let my Grandma see me in my Unmentionables" but fairly representative.  Most will wear them lower, cinched tightly with a belt, some down mid thigh, forcing them to keep their legs apart, keeping tension on the belted area so as to not have them drop down to their ankles.
I seem to remember that when I was in school we sort of frowned on the "De-Pantsing" and "Atomic Wedgy's".  The first hurt our Pride, what with having our dirty underwear aired in public and our pants down around our ankles, and the 2nd hurt our Pride and Joys, what with Racking up the Balls tighter than a pool rack with no Mr. Wiggly room hidden from view, so definitely not a good room to be in, but hitting awful close to home, if you know what I mean.
But back to why any self respecting Law Enforcement agent or "Paul Bart Mall Cop" would have great respect for this style?  Simple, they don't have to worry so much about chasing the bad guys wearing this style.  How fast could you run in a 3 legged sack race?  A whole lot faster than a Leg Wrapper anchored Sagger pants fool can, with their thighs strapped and belted, excess trousers stacked up their ankles, the Fabric of Reality Hits Hard, Karma Turns, falling on their Faces Rug Burns.
Now add in that Brilliant Idea of Shoes that have Lights in them that go off on Impacts, such as walking or Running, often on the sides or in the back of the Heel. 
It is awfully thoughtful of the Criminal Element to wear such Edison Electric Light UP in the Dark as You Chase me and Why Can't I Get Away from the Man already.  Its better than a Helicopter Spot light and GPS tracking all rolled up in tube sock Heaven!

Now they even have LED Shoestrings!


Just imagine it, you could brag to all your Buddies about the "One that DIDN'T Get Away" or the 
"Shoestring Catch" you made "last night in the Dark" or Talk about how you like your relationships with NO Strings Attached even!,200461099,200925582,200220245,200221133,200001508,200706863,200338182,200950614,200736032,213592705,213555517,200706445,200886487,50146367,200699568,200722073,200699586,200716179,200952578,200701142