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Strange Trip Times ~ commentary from the intrepid cosmic traveler

Strange Trip Times


The  Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited  readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it  by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter,  and supply a new definition.

Here are the  winners:

1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders the   subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of  time

2.  Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an  asshole.

3. Intaxication :  Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until  you  realize it was your money to start  with.

4.  Reintarnation : Coming back to life as  a  hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The  substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright  ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,  shows little sign of breaking down in the near  future.

6.  Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about   yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.  Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very,  very high.

8 Sarchasm : The  gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person  who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte : To  take coffee intravenously when you are running  late.

10. Osteopornosis : A  degenerate disease. (This one got extra  credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It’s  like, when everybody is sending off all these   really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth  explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.  Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting  through the day consuming only things that are good for  you.

13.  Glibido : All talk and no action.

14.  Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas  to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.  Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance  performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through  a spider web.

16 Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your  bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast  out.

17.  Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after  finding half a worm in the fruit you’re  eating.

The  Washington Post has also published the winning  submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are  asked to supply alternate meanings for common  words.

And the winners  are:

1.  Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering  how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To  give up all hope of ever having a flat  stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To  attempt an explanation while  drunk.

5  Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6.  Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the  door when wearing only a  nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk  with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n.  Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has   been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A  rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A  humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The  formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13.  Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.  Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his  conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism,  n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto  the roof and gets stuck there.

16.. Circumvent, n. An  opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish  men.