Category: poetry



  • RE: entry to Worst Date contest, lots of problems and out of office‏

11:46 AM
To Loren Foster
From: Talbot, Phoebe (ptalbot@fisherradio.com)
Sent: Mon 11/05/12 11:46 AM
To: Loren Foster (shadolrds@live.com)
Out of Office AutoReply: belated and belateder attempt at entry into Worst Date contest

Loren –

 

I apologize for the numerous “Out of Office” responses you received, but I am more than happy to help with your questions.

We have already drawn our winner for Kent & Alan’s Date Night giveaway, but thank you for entering and please continue to check STAR 101.5 for more contest opportunities.

Please let me know if you have any other questions, thanks!

Phoebe Talbot – Promotions Assistant

STAR 101.5, KOMO Newsradio, Talk Radio 570 KVI

( 206.404.3057 | 7 Fax 206.404.3628

140 4th Ave N # 340 Seattle, WA 98109

ptalbot@fisherradio.com

From: Loren Foster [mailto:shadolrds@live.com] Sent: Monday, November 05, 2012 12:34 AM To: Talbot, Phoebe; Loren Foster Subject: entry to Worst Date contest, lots of problems and out of office

 

Greetings and Salutations Phoebe Talbot!

You have just won the 3rd place in the Office AutoReply Bounce

As you can see by the trail below, I am not a lucky fellow.

But I can Bellow Its just that I am cowardly Yellow.

And take lots of prescription drugs to stay Mellow.

At some point I will give up trying to get the entry in. Had internet connection problems.

Then it would not accept my log in on the site.

Then I could not get the program to allow me to see a contact email.

Then all the contactee’s are playing keep away from the office.

I got to the Facebook page for Star and posted there also, in a feeble attempt to get this of my chest and out of my hair. And yes, my chest has almost as much hair on it as my head, but that is not saying much as most of the thatch up there is heading south and taking up residence on my back.

Ok, now that I have sufficiently insulted my self, and probably gotten you to disregard anything that might have been fruitful and left me Blue in the Face, or at least the tongue in the cheek after way too many Hawaiian Blue punches un pulled.  Allusion to the title below. Fore or Five Shadowing….

·  Out of Office AutoReply: worst date entry‏

12:08 AM

To Loren Foster

From: Hutyler, Courtney (chutyler@fisherradio.com)
Sent: Mon 11/05/12 12:08 AM
To: Loren Foster (shadolrds@live.com)

 

Thanks for your message! I am out of the office for remainder of the week and next Monday and Tuesday and will be returning on Wednesday, November 7th.
If you need immediate assistance, please contact Suzanne Fleitz at sfleitz@fisherradio.com/206-404-3068.

·  Out of Office AutoReply: belated and belateder attempt at entry into Worst Date contest‏

 

12:17 AM

To Loren Foster

From: Fleitz, Suzanne (sfleitz@fisherradio.com)
Sent: Mon 11/05/12 12:17 AM
To: Loren Foster (shadolrds@live.com)

Thanks for your message! I’m out of the office for the remainder of the day, returning Tuesday morning, 11/6. If you need immediate assistance, please contact Phoebe Talbot at 206.404.3057/ptalbot@fisherradio.com. If this is urgent, I can be reached on my cell phone at 805.312.1581. Otherwise, I’ll return your message on Tuesday morning. Thanks!

Anyway, let the story commence:

 

“What does a Rubber Band, a Broken Thing, to many Blue Hawaiian’s, and a Single Crutch, all have in Common?”
I’m now Glad you Asked!
But You, You may not be so Glad, before this tale of Sad Twisted Heartstring-Wrenching Tear-Drenching reaches its four or five gone gong show concussion conclusion, supporting no Unknown Comic’s paper bag anonymity, ripping and rending the tender veneer of civility from the once smiling now snarling caricature of a fellow Cougar of Stephenson 7th South as he swung and I jumped and twisted and landed with a loud pop as my left knee gave way and I started screaming!
He said “Get back up and stop screaming! I haven’t hit you yet!”

Turned out I had torn cartilage, and would have to have surgery. Only day open and soon was the day after I had a hot date scheduled, and she didn’t want to take my being on crutches as an excuse for not going over to Moscow.
I somehow managed to use one of the crutches to shift gears on my beat up Thing, and got to her place, and she offered to drive. Great! I could drink more!
About half way there something went thunk, then all the hamsters and gerbils in the transmission started screaming and tearing chunks out of the floor boards.
Forgot to tell her not to touch the 4 wheel drive stick as it was a might touchy. Touche…
Luckily we got picked up by a trucker, I sat next to him to keep him away from her. Big mistake, guess he liked guys, so tried to keep myself from becoming one of his hand fulls.
Some how I only ended up with one crutch by the time we hit the dance hall.
But hey! I only needed one, the other was kept full with Blue Hawaiian’s.
Then it was time to head back.
She left me.
One crutch.
A seven mile trudge.
Police cars going in reverse to avoid my hobble.
Car was towed before I got back to it.
Morale of the story, Don’t Shoot a Rubber band at anyone wearing just a towel, it might go to your Knee, and Break your Car and your Heart.


I get worried easy these days, overly paranoid, not that i know what a single noid is, well maybe its a noid, not the noid.

Had to run down to Greenlake to eat with Maria on her break.  She works from 9am to 7pm today at the Elements Massage.

Heard a song on the radio on the way there by Matchbox 20 and it made me think of myself being unable to sleep last nite, trying to be quite and let Maria sleep

 

 

All day Staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night Hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

I’m feeling like I’m headed for a Breakdown

I don’t know why

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Me Talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train      [MAKE it BUS and yeah}

I know

I know they’ve all been talking ’bout me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong

With me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow

I’ve lost my mind

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they’ll come to get me

Yeah, they’re taking me away

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be

How I used to be, yeah

Well I’m just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

Life runs in strange and crazy ways.

Im just strange and crazy, cant run for crap knee, maybe I should of not gone dancing on it so soon after the surgery back in college?

What!

The pain medication from the surgery earlier in the day had not even begun to wear off so why not DANCE!


Me I was never good with “Speechless”, although I was often Tongue tied,

it happens too often when you can flip your darn tongue upside down,

and Flabber Gasted, I am much more Flabber these days than Gasted.

 

Wish I understood women better.

Either I am just too damn tall to stand under them, or its all just over my head.

Either way, I just wish it was easier for them to bring me to heel.

Some can maky you feel like a Heel, with just a glance.

Some will Lance your Heart, and it will never Heal.

 

When you juggle Bannana’s and Orange’s

and its All up in the Air Yo

u can make a Fair Fruit Salad

But its a Toss UP If you add in a Pear

But be ready to Catch It I would to thee Appeal!

Or it will be all Butt End UP Lacking a peel

Except for Dinner Guests Ringing of Laughter a Peal.

Amazon and GreyHart Press!


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~Greyhart Press
4.5 out of 5 stars (2)

4.0 out of 5 stars There is something Dull, Gray or Heartless about GreyHart Press’s pressing of “The Quest for Elena the Fair”, November 11, 2011
This review is from: The Legends of Light (Kindle Edition)

There is something Dull, Gray or Heartless about GreyHart Press’s pressing of
“The Quest for Elena the Fair” by Gill Shutt.

It will cut you to the quick, and quick you to the cuttings, as the squire Govalon, in Serving alone to three Knights journey into the Vanishing Mists,
Read it and Sea what would make Sir Marik the Wrong so Wronged.
Listen and Fear what did unspool Sir Darven the Fool.
Quiver and Quell what did fell the Oxen Sir Jolan.
Begin here the Tale of the First,
Read on to the rest of a Saga of 6 Poems,
“The Legends of Light”

Read! Review! Repeat! for Free at GreyHart Press
http://greyhartpress.com/free-e-books/read-review-repeat/

 

 

Loren Foster aka shadolrds
“From Whom Words Shadow Doles”
shadolrds.wordpress.com


There is something Dull, Gray or Heartless about GreyHart Press's pressing of 
"The Quest for Elena the Fair" by Gill Shutt.

It will cut you to the quick, and quick you to the cuttings, as the squire Govalon, in Serving alone to three Knights journey into the Vanishing Mists,
Read it and Sea what would make Sir Marik the Wrong so Wronged.
Listen and Fear what did unspool Sir Darven the Fool.
Quiver and Quell what did fell the Oxen Sir Jolan.
Begin here the Tale of the First,
Read on to the rest of a Saga of 6 Poems,
"The Legends of Light"

The Legends of Light

Read! Review! Repeat! at
http://greyhartpress.com/free-e-books/read-review-repeat/ 

Loren Foster aka shadolrds
"From Whom Words Shadow Doles"
/https://shadolrds.wordpress.com

dreams, wants, needs, likes, dislikes, greeds, do it tomorrows, too many square toits, 
never enough round ones, that was one of Tol's (my Father, who was a Foster Father, 
C.E. Tol [pronounced TALL] Foster) jokes, 
always finding Square Toits, never getting a Round To It.
Always something distracting, poor timing, or just sheer thick headed lazyness.
Hmm, he always called me MuscleHead, and asked "What are you good for?" all the time.
Think he knew something I haven't figured out yet?

Father Mine, 
The Fates are Cruel!
They took you Tol,
They cut the Tales too short,
They left the tears too long.
There is no puppy in the window.
The sash is down,
You went out of town.
!Death!
"What are you Good For?"
Forced into a Shell,
No Bounce left to right
All rolled in a Ball.
No Entity to Fight.
Try as I May,
Try as I mite,
All I can write
Is oh so contrite.
Father Mine,
Your Left was my Wrong,
But I was not strong,
I could not follow along.
There is no sing to my song.
I am but a Fool,
Not a sharp tool.
Tell me,
Father Mine!
What will I ever be good for?

Maybe its just doggerel, bad puns (are there ever any good puns by definition),
eternal punishment, strewn metaphors and silly similes, all hung together, 
maybe, 
maybe that is what I am good for?

Loren Foster aka shadolrds

“From Whom Words Shadow Doles”

https://shadolrds.wordpress.com/


Schack's Shack is not just a home. This King's Castle is his Home.  
It could be Yours for a Day if his Royalty you can Ransom!
Have you ever gotten over to Poulsbo area to see Dana Schack's castle yet, wow!

No that is not the Castle behind El Rey Dana, The King, it is his Well, and if his
Water is that Well protected, can you imagine how he protects his food!?!
Every King needs a Throne

 
You will wind up hills through dense forest, traveling back into the past and wala!
Castle!
What you say it doesn't look big?  
See the front door? 
Each of the two door panels weigh over 300 pounds!  
While you attempt to pound your way through it you will be taking
continuous fire from the interlocking Arrow slits, truly a sticky wicket that! 

Each of the 3 levels measures 40 by 40 feet, with four octagonal towers. 
That is not revealing what machines of war are ensconced on the Castles 4th and final roof level.

Catapults? 
Trebuchets? 
Mangonels? 
Ballista? 
Want a free Hot Oil treatment? By all 
means, declare your intentions prior to approach, or Die without Reproach! Or just 
be a bit Boiled and Poached!
He generally hosts an Open Castle once a year.
Can't Wait for the next one?
Care to procure an invitation, or take him up on a Tour?
Check his Facebook site, leave him a message, send him an Email.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1163040619&sk=info 
Never got the chance to have that Never Neverland get away?
Want to be a King for a Day?  Host Rousing Toast Display?
Make the Royal Wedding of your Dreams a true Real Royal Royality?
Come play Dungeons and Dragons in a Castle?
Will there be Tunnels and Trolls?
Recreate as the SCA recreates?
This and more could all be yours, if only...

You really should see it.  He has the main ground floor like a real great room , huge table, 
fur covered tressle benches,  trophy shields on the wall,


mostly had crafted and decorated by his own hands, taught to him by his father a Norman King,
and grandfather a Viking Longship builder by trade.

 

It just needs a better fire place / Roasting spit. 
He really needs a false front to put infront of the dinky fireplace county codes allowed, 
you know cow rotisserie fire contraption.  
Maybe a papermache cow or roast pig thing, would be great.
http://www.firepit-and-grilling-guru.com/hog-rotisserie.html 

whole hog

fireplace cooking accessory

 

http://www.firepit-and-grilling-guru.com/fireplace-cooking-accessory.html 

rotisserie

For more on Viking ways of Food preparation check out
http://www.vikinganswerlady.com/food.shtml  
dreams, wants, needs, likes, dislikes, greeds, do it tomorrows, too many square toits, 
never enough round ones, that was one of Tol's (my Foster Father, C.E. Tol Foster) jokes, 
always finding Square Toits, never getting a Round To It.
Always something distracting, poor timing, or just sheer thick headed lazyness.
Hmm, he always called me MuscleHead, and asked "What are you good for?" all the time.
Think he knew something I haven't figured out yet?

Father Mine, 
The Fates are Cruel!
They took you Tol,
They cut the Tales too short,
They left the tears too long.
There is no puppy in the window.
The sash is down,
You went out of town.
!Death!
"What are you Good For?"
Forced into a Shell,
No Bounce left to right
All rolled in a Ball.
No Entity to Fight.
Try as I May,
Try as I mite,
All I can write
Is oh so contrite.
Father Mine,
Your Left was my Wrong,
But I was not strong,
I could not follow along.
There is no sing to my song.
I am but a Fool,
Not a sharp tool.
Tell me,
Father Mine!
What will I ever be good for?

Loren Foster aka shadolrds
"From Whom Words Shadow Doles"

https://shadolrds.wordpress.com/