Category: Quotes

“What does a Rubber Band, a Broken Thing, to many Blue Hawaiian’s, and a Single Crutch, all have in Common?”
I’m now Glad you Asked!
But You, You may not be so Glad, before this tale of Sad Twisted Heartstring-Wrenching Tear-Drenching reaches its four or five gone gong show concussion conclusion, supporting no Unknown Comic’s paper bag anonymity, ripping and rending the tender veneer of civility from the once smiling now snarling caricature of a fellow Cougar of Stephenson 7th South as he swung and I jumped and twisted and landed with a loud pop as my left knee gave way and I started screaming!
He said “Get back up and stop screaming! I haven’t hit you yet!”
Turned out I had torn cartilage, and would have to have surgery. Only day open and soon was the day after I had a hot date scheduled, and she didn’t want to take my being on crutches as an excuse for not going over to Moscow.
I somehow managed to use one of the crutches to shift gears on my beat up Thing, and got to her place, and she offered to drive. Great! I could drink more!
About half way there something went thunk, then all the hamsters and gerbils in the transmission started screaming and tearing chunks out of the floor boards.
Forgot to tell her not to touch the 4 wheel drive stick as it was a might touchy. Touche…
Luckily we got picked up by a trucker, I sat next to him to keep him away from her. Big mistake, guess he liked guys, so tried to keep myself from becoming one of his hand fulls.
Some how I only ended up with one crutch by the time we hit the dance hall.
But hey! I only needed one, the other was kept full with Blue Hawaiian’s.
Then it was time to head back.
She left me.
One crutch.
Facing a ten mile trudge.
In the 1st mile I was siill fairly inebriated, so wasn’t hurting much yet.
Then I slowly became aware that I could see things in front of me better, like I was emitting light from my neck down! Night Vision Cool!
But how was I generating the red and blue flickering bits?
Then I tripped and fell, and slowly focused on a U of Idaho campus cruiser that must have been behind me for a couple of blocks, sigh, so much for Night Vision, swiftly changing to visions of my sugar plums dancing in a Jail cell trying to avoid wayward truckers.
I struggled to a sitting position, found it was really hard to stand up for some reason. Must have been some combination of the booze, one crutch, a bad knee, oh, lets not forget the now rolling Palouse invading the Moscow flatlands, causing me to keep falling back onto my hands face and bum knee.
Thoughts of getting arrested and not having to continue to embed random gravel bits into my carcass started to have a bit more appeal.
So I clutched my crutch, dragged and crawled towards the cops, for what seemed like forever. Took me about 2 blocks to realize that they were backing up for some reason, and thats why I hadn’t reached their back seat of happiness and security of no interior door handles. Those darned door handles always bother my knees in back seats of cars anyway, so at least my knee would be better off soon.
All I needed was for them to stop backing up! So I started waving my crutch, hopping on one leg, and shouting for them to stop and be more like Calgon and take me away from all this!
Maybe I scared them?
They turned off the flashers, and started speeding towards me! Yah! it worked!
They were coming right at me my eyes finally flogged my brain, so I bent my one good knee, planted my crutch, and tried to pole vault it against the curbing in an attempt to fling myself out of their way!
Olympians cheered, Judges raised score cards of 10’s across the board, as in my mind I felt myself soaring like a bird!
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw the two cop cars, no one, yes two, my eyes couldn’t stay focused I was moving so fast,turn a corner about 10 feet from me and left me in a spray of more loose Palouse gravel, grovelling in the gutter realizing that the bird I most resembled at the moment could best be described in the immortal words of your fellow Radio legend KRPW’s Less Nessman “Turkeys are hitting the ground like bags of wet cement!” Oh what I would pay for a copy of their dash board camera footage now.
Well thats the Highlights, or should I say Low Lites of the night.
I banged on most of the doors down Fraternity row, until I found the one person that I knew.
Found out that Sleepy Vandals are not big fans of Drunken Cougars.
Slept it off.
Got a ride back to Pullman.
Car was towed before I got back to it, but lets keep that part for another contest story.
Morale of the story, Don’t Shoot a Rubber band at anyone wearing just a towel, it might go to your Knee, and Break your Car and your Heart.


The Government can’t be expected to fix anything, if they are unwilling to fix what is wrong with the system that they have created to perpetuate the system that they wanted.

Instead of a choice of the Lesser of Two Evils, why can’t we Vote for
None of the Above.

Who else do you know that can get paid for doing nothing?,

get paid overtime for doing nothing?,

Not keeping any promises that they spread like fertilizer?

Won’t lose their pay unless they commit treason no matter how long they might be in jail for any other infractions?

Why are there Political Parties in the first place? Party On! Parties are not for getting any work done except Partying,

and for keeping out anyone who is not a Party Member from ever having an equal chance

What ever happened to standing on your own two feet, walking proudly, up holding your own merits, and rolling up your sleeves and getting a job done, one step at a time.

If any given member of a Party is not able to stand on its own, then all we really are left with is a chain composed of nothing but Weakest Links.

Cut the chains that bind them together and you have nothing but a lot of dead weights.

Right now we have 2 chains that can not pull together, that can not be trusted to work alone.

To blame one man for the lack inherent in the chains that he can not wield, that he has no power over to command, is beyond asinine.

Until each link is inspected, the rotten apples and diseased cut and separated from destroying those around them, flaws identified and fixed, you can not expect either chain to do a job, let alone a job that requires cooperation, rather than inherent corruption.

When you break it all down, and it should be broken down and inspected microscopically, the system is no longer a functional whole.

Each link is more focused on itself than the job it was elected to do.

More time, money and effort is expended by “our elected” government to become elected, and to become re elected than they spend actually doing a job.

Solution to this portion of the problem is simple.

No Reelection.
They limit the terms of the President don’t they?
Why not limits on those that supposedly do the work.

Something good might get done, so hey, break out the Filibuster! Compliance a problem, just push back the timing of the implementation and Pull its teeth by cutting funding. Send it to Committee!

Committees, Special Committees, Joint Committees, but what Commitment is actually Committed to commencing to get anything done, other than to Craft Bills, amend Riders, water down legislation to the point of evaporation of intentions, compromise by combinations that will scratch my back if I’ll support funding for projects that will make you look good to your constituents, and so on.

Take one thing at a time, address one issue at a time, let it stand on its own merits.

Oh, I forgot we can’t do that, it goes against the abilities of those weak links who are only able to stand under a party umbrella, hidden from the Rain of Reality. Platforms are built and constructed of piecemeal truths and flat out cardboard lies.

Instead of a choice of the Lesser of Two Evils, why can’t we Vote for
None of the Above.
When the Carrot and the Stick are held in the same hand the system is broken.

When there is no incentive to fix something it will not get fixed.

We are governed by those that are not held accountable in any meaningful way.

There is currently no way to make them be accountable.

The only Accountability they Count is in their Bank Accounts.

Off Shore and Swiss Bank Accounts, like the Cheese, leaves too many holes for them to hide their treasures, and there are no Cats but Fat Cats.

Even Mice once Belled the Cats.

So much for the Best Laid Plans.

We are the Mice, no longer Men.

Perhaps we the Greater of Evils, for “We the People” have long ago given up and allowed our Nation to be run not “For the People” nor “By the People”, and are now left only looking through the Peephole, locked out and away from any recourse but to
Weep for the People, we have sold our souls to the Company Store as they “Buy the People”.

Think about it PEOPLE!

Abraham Lincoln, in his Gettysburg Address, dared to recognize a fundamental truth:
“We here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Think about it HARDER!

Even in his time, he recognized the need to work together.

Figure it out yet?>

Someone shot him, and he perished from this earth.

Lets go back a little farther with historic figures that cut wood, leave behind a rail splitter, and take up the cherry of a man, who couldn’t tell a lie.

By George! I think you know who I am referring to! It was a time when Hemp could be used in a Neck Tie Party, a Neck Stretcher, no Refer puns for the Intendants, just Hanging Participles, that should be left Dangling in the wind till they like Pheasants of the rich, rot through at the neck and fall, ready for the eating.

George chopped closer the Truth of the matter when he refused to become another King in the line of Georges, and instead gave up being President for Life.

He believed in the defense of the Constitution by stating his belief that the system of checks and balances and separation of powers within it are important means of preventing a single person or group from seizing control of the country, and advises the American people that if they believe it is necessary to modify the powers granted to the government through the Constitution it should be done through constitutional amendments instead of through force.

We do not have a single person or group that have seized control of our country, but two groups or parties, and they have effectively taken over and ruled out anyone else from getting a place on the dance card.

Check how you can get put on a ballot as something not an Elephant hiding in the peanut butter, or an Ass to Pin on the Tail. It isn’t easy, and it is costly.
And all those hoops and hooplah were created by the 2 party system.

Break the Parties, or never get into the Ball.

No Fairy Godmothers for us Cinderella’s, just the Mice making the gowns and Pumpkins to be pulled and filled, Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, have their Cake and Eat it Too,
Its their Government Through and Threw.

What are we mice and shrews to do?

I get worried easy these days, overly paranoid, not that i know what a single noid is, well maybe its a noid, not the noid.

Had to run down to Greenlake to eat with Maria on her break.  She works from 9am to 7pm today at the Elements Massage.

Heard a song on the radio on the way there by Matchbox 20 and it made me think of myself being unable to sleep last nite, trying to be quite and let Maria sleep



All day Staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night Hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

I’m feeling like I’m headed for a Breakdown

I don’t know why

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Me Talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train      [MAKE it BUS and yeah}

I know

I know they’ve all been talking ’bout me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong

With me

Out of all the hours thinking


I’ve lost my mind

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they’ll come to get me

Yeah, they’re taking me away

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be

How I used to be, yeah

Well I’m just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

Life runs in strange and crazy ways.

Im just strange and crazy, cant run for crap knee, maybe I should of not gone dancing on it so soon after the surgery back in college?


The pain medication from the surgery earlier in the day had not even begun to wear off so why not DANCE!

Ben Stein! The Glass is Half Fool? The Joke is on US! Or on the U.S.?

Apparently the White House referred to Christmas Trees as Holiday Trees for the first time this year which prompted CBS presenter, Ben Stein, to present this piece which I would like to share with you. I think it applies just as much to many countries as it does to America ..
The following was written  by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday  Morning   Commentary.

My confession:
I am a Jew, and every  single one of my ancestors was Jewish.  And it does not bother me  even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled  trees, Christmas trees.  I don’t feel threatened.  I don’t feel  discriminated against. That’s what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn’t bother me a  bit when people say, ‘Merry Christmas’ to me.  I don’t think they are  slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto.  In fact, I kind  of like it.  It shows that we are all brothers and sisters  celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother me at all that  there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach  house in Malibu .  If people want a creche, it’s just as fine with me  as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.I don’t like getting  pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians like getting  pushed around for being Christians.  I think people who believe in  God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.  I have no  idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist  country.  I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it  being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it  another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship  celebrities and we aren’t allowed to worship God ?  I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too.  But  there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from  and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many  jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little  different:  This is not intended to be a joke; it’s not funny, it’s  intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham’s daughter  was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her ‘How could  God let something like this happen?’ (regarding Hurricane Katrina)..   Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.  She  said, ‘I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for  years we’ve been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our  government and to get out of our lives.  And being the gentleman He  is, I believe He has calmly backed out.  How can we expect God to  give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us  alone?’In light of recent  events… terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.  I think it  started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found a  few years ago) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we  said OK.  Then someone said you better not read the Bible in  school.  The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal,  and love your neighbor as yourself.  And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock  said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave, because their  little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem  (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide).  We said an expert should know  what he’s talking about.  And we said okay.

Now we’re asking  ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right  from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their  classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think  about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out.  I think it has  a great deal to do with ‘WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.’

Funny how simple it is  for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to  hell.  Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question  what the Bible says.  Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through e-mail  and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages  regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.  Funny how  lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace,  but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and  workplace.

Are you laughing  yet?

Funny how when you  forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list  because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you  for sending it.
Funny how we can be more  worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of  us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard  it…. no one will know you did.  But, if you discard this thought  process, don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is  in.

My Best Regards,   Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

Do Check it out, and maybe vote fore me! Go see the Cartoon then see whose best fits the shoe!
My entry reads

Excuse me, but I am here in response to an employment opportunity advertised in that paper as “Southern Bar Attorney needed to Babysit Nest Egg through Thin Ice Transitional Period.” I did not initially understand the “Must take Firm Stance versus Global Warming and be in support of IceBerg Lettuce.”

Loren F.
Check it out!
    • Loren Foster Not time to vote yet, but keep me in mind!
      When it is go vote once a day for me, or the one you think is better

(people who love words)

A will is a dead giveaway.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A chicken crossing the road, poultry in motion.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

The Green Thing
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”

The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right. We didn’t have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

Remember: Don’t make old people mad.

We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

Who said only Humans are Human?

Some things just bring smiles to your heart – this is one of them in my book

Some things just bring smiles to your heart – this is one of them in my book



  And you say I am all thumbs!

And thats the Line up at the Top of the In Bowling!

Definitely not an Irish Setter!  Maybe an Irish Planter, or a Potato Dog?

Laying down the Law for those with Weak Knees

Whatcha looking at Ralph? Was it a Rabbit?

Brawny, its Cat Tuff!  This Cat is Packing a TriBarrel, so watch where you put that pointy roll holder.

Things are looking up!

Massage Therapy, for when you can’t tell your spinal problems apart from a Bump on a Log!

She will spoil him Kanga Rotten!

Why didn’t you tell me about Global Warming?!  I didn’t see the 99% of that Iceburg that was under the water when I dove in head first!  Someone Get me an Ice Pack! One big enough to float my poor little head on.

Lambentations, Woolen gLoom 4pair and Aaaggooony on me!  Baaa Haw, the gangs all here, Ewe all come back for Sheer!

Who needs Spotted Owls, I spotted you, you Spotted me, We Spotted Together, Fowl Friends Forever.

Silly Bear! You always get all the good will clothing, and you are an Organ Donor Chew Toy!

It is truly almost to big a Burden to Bear!

Hugs go a long way!

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be.. It’s the way it is..

The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference “

Got to love them lovable animals!

Who said only Humans are Human?

It wasn’t me! But I did put on the captions all by my self!

Loren Foster aka shadolrds

“From Whom Words Shadow Doles”

Now for are Humans Human or Animals?;stories

October 31, 2011 4:22 PM

Human ancestors mated with more than Neanderthals

Stephanie Pappas

A molar tooth belonging to a Denisovan, thought to be a new branch of ancient humans. (Nature.,David Reich et al.)

( weren’t the only ancient cousins that humans frequently mated with, according to a new study that finds that East Asian populations share genes with a mysterious archaic hominin species that lived in Siberia 40,000 years ago.

This group, the Denisovans, is known only by a few bone fragments: A finger bone, a tooth and possibly a toe bone, which is still undergoing analysis. The Denisovans likely split off from the Neanderthal branch of the hominin family tree about 300,000 years ago, but little else is known about their appearance, behavior or dress. But just as researchers have learned that ancienthumans and Neanderthals mated, they’ve also found genetic echoes of the Denisovans in modern residents of Pacific islands, including New Guinea and the Philippines.

The new research expands the Denisovan genetic influence, uncovering Denisovan genes in modern East Asian populations. The genetic signal is less strong than it is in the Oceanic islands such as the Philippines, said study researcher Mattias Jakobsson, a professor of evolutionary biology at Uppsala University in Sweden. On the Asian mainland, the genetic similarities to Denisovans are strongest in southern China and Southeast Asia.

“We are actually finding gene flow in Southeast Asia,” Jakobsson told LiveScience. “So it’s not restricted to the Oceanian parts of the world.”

Jakobsson and his colleagues first ran complex computer simulations of genetic data to understand how the limited gene information collected in population genetics research, which includes just segments of DNA, might be biased. With that understanding, the group then examined genetic data from more than 1,500 modern humans from all over the world.

Comparing that modern data with the Denisovan genome revealed that Asians, especially Southeast Asians, have a higher proportion of Denisovan-related gene variants than other world populations except for the Oceanic islanders. While Oceanians have about a 5 percent fraction of Denisovan-related ancestry, Southeast Asians have around 1 percent, the researchers report today (Oct. 31) in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. In comparison, genes from modern non-African humans have about a 2.5 percent fraction of Neanderthal ancestry.

It’s hard to tell when the Denisovan and human interbreeding occurred, Jakobsson said, but since Europeans don’t have Denisovan ancestry, it’s likely the mating occurred around 23,000 to 45,000 years ago, after Southeast Asians and European populations diverged.

Jakobsson and his colleagues are working on further studies on early human genetics and the steps that led to the modern human genome. The more digging scientists do, the more complex the genetic picture becomes, he said. Notably, bits of genes are almost all that are left behind of some ancient populations, including the Denisovans, he said.

“We don’t really know what they looked like, how they behaved or anything like that,” Jakobsson said. “It’s really genetics that gives us an edge here.”

Top 10 Mysteries of the First Humans
Top 10 Things that Make Humans Special

Loren Foster aka shadolrds

“From Whom Words Shadow Doles”

dreams, wants, needs, likes, dislikes, greeds, do it tomorrows, too many square toits, 
never enough round ones, that was one of Tol's (my Father, who was a Foster Father, 
C.E. Tol [pronounced TALL] Foster) jokes, 
always finding Square Toits, never getting a Round To It.
Always something distracting, poor timing, or just sheer thick headed lazyness.
Hmm, he always called me MuscleHead, and asked "What are you good for?" all the time.
Think he knew something I haven't figured out yet?

Father Mine, 
The Fates are Cruel!
They took you Tol,
They cut the Tales too short,
They left the tears too long.
There is no puppy in the window.
The sash is down,
You went out of town.
"What are you Good For?"
Forced into a Shell,
No Bounce left to right
All rolled in a Ball.
No Entity to Fight.
Try as I May,
Try as I mite,
All I can write
Is oh so contrite.
Father Mine,
Your Left was my Wrong,
But I was not strong,
I could not follow along.
There is no sing to my song.
I am but a Fool,
Not a sharp tool.
Tell me,
Father Mine!
What will I ever be good for?

Maybe its just doggerel, bad puns (are there ever any good puns by definition),
eternal punishment, strewn metaphors and silly similes, all hung together, 
maybe that is what I am good for?

Loren Foster aka shadolrds

“From Whom Words Shadow Doles”

Mensa Stration

Found this at

Check out the Hole Post, not the Post Hole, or the Hole after the Post, but the Whole Post!

Prepare for

Strange Trip Times ~ commentary from the intrepid cosmic traveler

Strange Trip Times


The  Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited  readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it  by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter,  and supply a new definition.

Here are the  winners:

1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders the   subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of  time

2.  Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an  asshole.

3. Intaxication :  Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until  you  realize it was your money to start  with.

4.  Reintarnation : Coming back to life as  a  hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The  substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright  ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,  shows little sign of breaking down in the near  future.

6.  Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about   yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.  Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very,  very high.

8 Sarchasm : The  gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person  who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte : To  take coffee intravenously when you are running  late.

10. Osteopornosis : A  degenerate disease. (This one got extra  credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It’s  like, when everybody is sending off all these   really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth  explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.  Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting  through the day consuming only things that are good for  you.

13.  Glibido : All talk and no action.

14.  Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas  to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.  Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance  performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through  a spider web.

16 Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your  bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast  out.

17.  Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after  finding half a worm in the fruit you’re  eating.

The  Washington Post has also published the winning  submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are  asked to supply alternate meanings for common  words.

And the winners  are:

1.  Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering  how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To  give up all hope of ever having a flat  stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To  attempt an explanation while  drunk.

5  Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6.  Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the  door when wearing only a  nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk  with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n.  Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has   been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A  rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A  humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The  formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13.  Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.  Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his  conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism,  n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto  the roof and gets stuck there.

16.. Circumvent, n. An  opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish  men.

Roll the Smiles, Que the Demonic Voices! O Vices I Demonic Que!  DeVices HarMonica!

Roll out the Paper, Roll out the Paper of Fun!

Found to avoid this, you turn the roll over the other way, then when they claw downward, it doesn’t unroll.  But beware, it does piss them off no end, as they can not unroll it to the end.  Our cat would dig in her claws and rip out large chunks at random, making a swiss cheese like appearance.  Trying to use the left overs was difficult as a persons fingers tend to slip into the holes and then into the hole that most prefer not to fill with fingers, if you know how that feels, I can feel for you , but would rather not!

On that Happy Thought Naught, catch a Flying Flock!


If you have a Fear of Flying, then perhaps something a little easier to Digest?  Get it Digest, Blog I Say!


 The Same side? Inner Demons?  What side would Inner Demons be on?

The Inside!  I am on my own Inside? I am On My Own, Inside?!  I Own My On Side In!

  And when they don’t talk to me, then who are they Talking to?

Are they talking to you?

Are you Talking to Me?

What, Do you Think I look like a Taxi Driver?

Taxi Driver is a much to Taxing Job for I!

Get a life, Call a Cab!