Tag Archive: worst date



“What does a Rubber Band, a Broken Thing, to many Blue Hawaiian’s, and a Single Crutch, all have in Common?”
I’m now Glad you Asked!
But You, You may not be so Glad, before this tale of Sad Twisted Heartstring-Wrenching Tear-Drenching reaches its four or five gone gong show concussion conclusion, supporting no Unknown Comic’s paper bag anonymity, ripping and rending the tender veneer of civility from the once smiling now snarling caricature of a fellow Cougar of Stephenson 7th South as he swung and I jumped and twisted and landed with a loud pop as my left knee gave way and I started screaming!
He said “Get back up and stop screaming! I haven’t hit you yet!”
Turned out I had torn cartilage, and would have to have surgery. Only day open and soon was the day after I had a hot date scheduled, and she didn’t want to take my being on crutches as an excuse for not going over to Moscow.
I somehow managed to use one of the crutches to shift gears on my beat up Thing, and got to her place, and she offered to drive. Great! I could drink more!
About half way there something went thunk, then all the hamsters and gerbils in the transmission started screaming and tearing chunks out of the floor boards.
Forgot to tell her not to touch the 4 wheel drive stick as it was a might touchy. Touche…
Luckily we got picked up by a trucker, I sat next to him to keep him away from her. Big mistake, guess he liked guys, so tried to keep myself from becoming one of his hand fulls.
Some how I only ended up with one crutch by the time we hit the dance hall.
But hey! I only needed one, the other was kept full with Blue Hawaiian’s.
Then it was time to head back.
She left me.
One crutch.
Facing a ten mile trudge.
In the 1st mile I was siill fairly inebriated, so wasn’t hurting much yet.
Then I slowly became aware that I could see things in front of me better, like I was emitting light from my neck down! Night Vision Cool!
But how was I generating the red and blue flickering bits?
Then I tripped and fell, and slowly focused on a U of Idaho campus cruiser that must have been behind me for a couple of blocks, sigh, so much for Night Vision, swiftly changing to visions of my sugar plums dancing in a Jail cell trying to avoid wayward truckers.
I struggled to a sitting position, found it was really hard to stand up for some reason. Must have been some combination of the booze, one crutch, a bad knee, oh, lets not forget the now rolling Palouse invading the Moscow flatlands, causing me to keep falling back onto my hands face and bum knee.
Thoughts of getting arrested and not having to continue to embed random gravel bits into my carcass started to have a bit more appeal.
So I clutched my crutch, dragged and crawled towards the cops, for what seemed like forever. Took me about 2 blocks to realize that they were backing up for some reason, and thats why I hadn’t reached their back seat of happiness and security of no interior door handles. Those darned door handles always bother my knees in back seats of cars anyway, so at least my knee would be better off soon.
All I needed was for them to stop backing up! So I started waving my crutch, hopping on one leg, and shouting for them to stop and be more like Calgon and take me away from all this!
Maybe I scared them?
They turned off the flashers, and started speeding towards me! Yah! it worked!
They were coming right at me my eyes finally flogged my brain, so I bent my one good knee, planted my crutch, and tried to pole vault it against the curbing in an attempt to fling myself out of their way!
Olympians cheered, Judges raised score cards of 10’s across the board, as in my mind I felt myself soaring like a bird!
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw the two cop cars, no one, yes two, my eyes couldn’t stay focused I was moving so fast,turn a corner about 10 feet from me and left me in a spray of more loose Palouse gravel, grovelling in the gutter realizing that the bird I most resembled at the moment could best be described in the immortal words of your fellow Radio legend KRPW’s Less Nessman “Turkeys are hitting the ground like bags of wet cement!” Oh what I would pay for a copy of their dash board camera footage now.
Well thats the Highlights, or should I say Low Lites of the night.
I banged on most of the doors down Fraternity row, until I found the one person that I knew.
Found out that Sleepy Vandals are not big fans of Drunken Cougars.
Slept it off.
Got a ride back to Pullman.
Car was towed before I got back to it, but lets keep that part for another contest story.
Morale of the story, Don’t Shoot a Rubber band at anyone wearing just a towel, it might go to your Knee, and Break your Car and your Heart.


  • RE: entry to Worst Date contest, lots of problems and out of office‏

11:46 AM
To Loren Foster
From: Talbot, Phoebe (ptalbot@fisherradio.com)
Sent: Mon 11/05/12 11:46 AM
To: Loren Foster (shadolrds@live.com)
Out of Office AutoReply: belated and belateder attempt at entry into Worst Date contest

Loren –

 

I apologize for the numerous “Out of Office” responses you received, but I am more than happy to help with your questions.

We have already drawn our winner for Kent & Alan’s Date Night giveaway, but thank you for entering and please continue to check STAR 101.5 for more contest opportunities.

Please let me know if you have any other questions, thanks!

Phoebe Talbot – Promotions Assistant

STAR 101.5, KOMO Newsradio, Talk Radio 570 KVI

( 206.404.3057 | 7 Fax 206.404.3628

140 4th Ave N # 340 Seattle, WA 98109

ptalbot@fisherradio.com

From: Loren Foster [mailto:shadolrds@live.com] Sent: Monday, November 05, 2012 12:34 AM To: Talbot, Phoebe; Loren Foster Subject: entry to Worst Date contest, lots of problems and out of office

 

Greetings and Salutations Phoebe Talbot!

You have just won the 3rd place in the Office AutoReply Bounce

As you can see by the trail below, I am not a lucky fellow.

But I can Bellow Its just that I am cowardly Yellow.

And take lots of prescription drugs to stay Mellow.

At some point I will give up trying to get the entry in. Had internet connection problems.

Then it would not accept my log in on the site.

Then I could not get the program to allow me to see a contact email.

Then all the contactee’s are playing keep away from the office.

I got to the Facebook page for Star and posted there also, in a feeble attempt to get this of my chest and out of my hair. And yes, my chest has almost as much hair on it as my head, but that is not saying much as most of the thatch up there is heading south and taking up residence on my back.

Ok, now that I have sufficiently insulted my self, and probably gotten you to disregard anything that might have been fruitful and left me Blue in the Face, or at least the tongue in the cheek after way too many Hawaiian Blue punches un pulled.  Allusion to the title below. Fore or Five Shadowing….

·  Out of Office AutoReply: worst date entry‏

12:08 AM

To Loren Foster

From: Hutyler, Courtney (chutyler@fisherradio.com)
Sent: Mon 11/05/12 12:08 AM
To: Loren Foster (shadolrds@live.com)

 

Thanks for your message! I am out of the office for remainder of the week and next Monday and Tuesday and will be returning on Wednesday, November 7th.
If you need immediate assistance, please contact Suzanne Fleitz at sfleitz@fisherradio.com/206-404-3068.

·  Out of Office AutoReply: belated and belateder attempt at entry into Worst Date contest‏

 

12:17 AM

To Loren Foster

From: Fleitz, Suzanne (sfleitz@fisherradio.com)
Sent: Mon 11/05/12 12:17 AM
To: Loren Foster (shadolrds@live.com)

Thanks for your message! I’m out of the office for the remainder of the day, returning Tuesday morning, 11/6. If you need immediate assistance, please contact Phoebe Talbot at 206.404.3057/ptalbot@fisherradio.com. If this is urgent, I can be reached on my cell phone at 805.312.1581. Otherwise, I’ll return your message on Tuesday morning. Thanks!

Anyway, let the story commence:

 

“What does a Rubber Band, a Broken Thing, to many Blue Hawaiian’s, and a Single Crutch, all have in Common?”
I’m now Glad you Asked!
But You, You may not be so Glad, before this tale of Sad Twisted Heartstring-Wrenching Tear-Drenching reaches its four or five gone gong show concussion conclusion, supporting no Unknown Comic’s paper bag anonymity, ripping and rending the tender veneer of civility from the once smiling now snarling caricature of a fellow Cougar of Stephenson 7th South as he swung and I jumped and twisted and landed with a loud pop as my left knee gave way and I started screaming!
He said “Get back up and stop screaming! I haven’t hit you yet!”

Turned out I had torn cartilage, and would have to have surgery. Only day open and soon was the day after I had a hot date scheduled, and she didn’t want to take my being on crutches as an excuse for not going over to Moscow.
I somehow managed to use one of the crutches to shift gears on my beat up Thing, and got to her place, and she offered to drive. Great! I could drink more!
About half way there something went thunk, then all the hamsters and gerbils in the transmission started screaming and tearing chunks out of the floor boards.
Forgot to tell her not to touch the 4 wheel drive stick as it was a might touchy. Touche…
Luckily we got picked up by a trucker, I sat next to him to keep him away from her. Big mistake, guess he liked guys, so tried to keep myself from becoming one of his hand fulls.
Some how I only ended up with one crutch by the time we hit the dance hall.
But hey! I only needed one, the other was kept full with Blue Hawaiian’s.
Then it was time to head back.
She left me.
One crutch.
A seven mile trudge.
Police cars going in reverse to avoid my hobble.
Car was towed before I got back to it.
Morale of the story, Don’t Shoot a Rubber band at anyone wearing just a towel, it might go to your Knee, and Break your Car and your Heart.